Chapter Two - Part One

Coupling
Megan

Well this has certainly been an interesting twist of fate. Somehow, I went from completely uninterested in dating anyone, to suddenly having a boyfriend, like he almost dropped out of the sky. Kitty introduced us and then just started hanging out with us. He's not the type of guy I usually go for, but maybe that's been my problem? He's an average student, I guess, and he's not very plugged into what's going on around him. But he's sweet, and sometimes he's shy. I think... well... after what Bianca told me, I think he's probably just as nervous about this as I am. Vulnerable, maybe? It makes me want to trust him. To not worry about what's going on and just let it happen because he knows what it's like to hurt and he wouldn't do that to someone else. Not now that he knows.

It's kinda endearing, too. The way he asks that I be careful with him and that if I think we need to slow down, he gets that. Or, there was that one time when he looked at him with these big, sad, saucer-like puppy eyes that looked like they were filling with tears and told me he didn't quite know what being in a good relationship felt like and to be patient with him. I mean, how can you not love that? Not that I'm saying I love him, I mean, it's only been a few weeks, but... mm. I think maybe I could?

He's not doing so well in class, so Bianca and I have been helping him. That's been another strange thing. I mean, we lived ont he same floor nearly all year, had classes together, and never, ever spoke. Actually, I found her a little, well, intimidating. I mean, Bianca Costa seemed like a girl that I could never like, all because I assumed I was the kind of girl she wouldn't like. It's.. complicated, sure. But then Kitty brought Mike over and Mike brought Bianca for... support? I'm not sure. But there she was and she seemed nice enough. And then we got to talking and I realized that she wasn't like any of the friends I had here. She got things that the others didn't, without me having to explain. She would just.. understand. It's been really great having her around. We're taking some of the same classes, so I finally have someone to study with that's at the same place I am. I mean, don't get me wrong, Stacey and Rachel are great friends, but we're just not academically similar people. I'm sure that sounds shitty, but, well, it's true? I think they're plenty smart, we just don't... oh I don't know. But in any case, Bianca gets it. We can tell nerdy jokes and understand each other.

I am worried that everyone's not going to get along. We don't manage to stay all together in the same room for very when we do get together. Meals are a little, awkward. Mike's started sitting with us, so Bianca comes too, otherwise it would just be her and Tim at their table and that would get... messy. Except, now sometimes Tim sits with us and we used to eat at a table for eight and now we're out of space and someone always feels left out and ugh. And since they're coming because Mike's coming and the rest of them are my friends, too, it feels like all of this is my responsibility and ugh. I hate that feeling.

I am not a social director on a cruise and maybe sometimes people expect me to be. And it's not fair. I have school work to worry about, too. I know finals are coming. Looming. Ugh. I started telling you this all excited about Mike. And I am. And it's great. But it's brought a whole pile of complications with it too.

Oh. And Sam. I didn't tell you about Sam. So, Sam is my best friend from high school and I've always kinda suspected he had this thing for me? Well, I mean, I sorta knew? Ok, so he'd told me and I was seeing someone at the time. And then I wasn't. But I didn't do anything about it because, you know, he's my best friend and that could get weird, especially if we don't last. And then he didn't say anything after my last relationship ended so I thought maybe he was over it.

Except not. Mike and I had decided to take flirting to dating and, no joke, three days later Sam calls, dropping hints about how he feels and then flat out asking if there's a chance. He's my best friends and I love him... as a friend. I don't know if it would have been better or worse for him to have asked earlier. At least now I can say I'm seeing someone and it's new and that I can't really think about whether we could ever have something because, well, that would just be bad news. I mean, you can't think about the possibility of being with someone who isn't the person you're with and be totally into that person. It would be like saying, 'well, once so-and-so and I break up, I can date so-and-so,' lining them up. That's just not right. Right?

Right. So I'm not thinking about Sam. Cause I can't. I've got Mike. And I'm not thinking about the drama with my friends. I've got finals.

Ugh. If only saying that made it true.